wachuka n thots

Today I kissed the devil, or is it I left the devil kiss me? Why do I have to feel so bad about something so good? Why does this wrong thing I do seem so right? The adrenalin rush, the excitement and the oomph feeling are incomprehensible? In the arms of the devil I felt safe and secure, they say the devil is in the detail, I will spare you that detail. The devil is a liar and has ugly horns, that's what they say. Oh, they are so wrong, sometimes he comes telling truths and looking so hot. The devil lives within my mind, he comes out in desires long barren and forgotten. He comes when I see all these wrong things and they seem so right. he does not slither like a dangerous snake or hide in the bushes ready to spike. Oh, he comes in confidence and swagger, he is smooth and sweet. Before I know it I am inviting him to my table and did I say he does not disappoint, the gentleman he is. I tell you it is only after you have kissed the devil, long after the snake has taken its form...

The phone rings and I hurriedly pick with a smile coz I knew you would feel the smile over the network, but alas it is not you. what a wasted effort, the telemarketer must think am a very happy person. The whole day I spend my time looking at the phone willing it to ring, hoping it is you, oh it is not, the third ring from the church reminding me of the parish commitment I made, how am I going to tell the priest we cannot make it, this is the third time I have to make an excuse for us. I have to let go accept you are never coming back. I hear a doorbell and almost break my leg rushing to open. I tell myself, your battery ran off, you were arrested, mugged, robbed off your phone, lost your phone etc., oh the trust I have in you. Its the girls scouts selling cookies, I give them some coins and they say we had promised to attend their parade. what can I say? I say yes we will be there for both of us even though I do not believe it. The whole night I keep vigil listening every time I he...

Saturday 14th July 2018, Mzee Patrick T Njuguna exited, quietly and with no further ado. On that morning I woke up to a nervous stomach and ''drove'' like crazy wondering what it was that I had eaten the previous night that was causing this, the world was quiet no status updates from my family on Facebook, no messages on the family WhatsApp group, nothing just an uncomfortable quietness that was also disturbing, I woke up quite early for a weekend or maybe it was coz of the ''driving'' I will never know, all I know is that he was gone and no one told me I just knew. My father has gone, he was old, he was sick I was even thinking I was ready for his demise, but no you can never be ready for death. Death is cruel they say but try death when you are alone in a multitude surrounded by many people, all of them meaning well but all you want are the familiar and the close. How do you cry in the arms of a stranger, how do you tell someone you meet discussing b...

At some point, something gotta give or you break. You can only persevere for so long. They say patience is a virtue, I say sometimes you need to take the bull by the horns at exactly that time it presents its horn. Today I may tell myself to wait, do the same tomorrow but before long it will be inevitable to wait any longer. Like a baby who has to be birthed the events will take control of time, of all wishes of personal thoughts I will no longer have the energy to stop the mechanisms of nature. Like a flooded river that has found its path, all will be washed on its way. It is usually at the breaking point that we rejuvenate and gain renewed strength. It is at our weakest points where breaking is gonna happen.  It is also at this point where we gather all we have, pick up the pieces and make the best of what is left. Today I want to spread these wings, they are fractured and broken, weak and fragile but I still got some inner strength and determination. Slowly they will regain t...

You have just met him, your heart beats faster, you think its magical, when was the last time you felt like this? you ask yourself, its been years, you even thought it was no longer possible. but here it is again the adrenaline rush, the quick breathing, the weakening of the knees the whole package, its indeed magical, after all these years so you open up and welcome the new feeling. FOOL. You are a fool, you have covered your heart with bandages and this new feeling derails you to think you are ok. The bandaged parts have not healed yet, you just covered them with these clothes on adhesive, underneath, the wound still oozes with pus. You have never changed those bandages or cleaned the wound, your heart is rotting. Girl  your hearts been broken and bandaged so many times it looks like a poor drawing from a kindergarten art class, smeared ink and paints all over the paper. You no longer know which woulds are fresh as repeatedly the old ones are scratched bare before they are ab...

As I write this am seated at my favourite couch, I should be working out to reduce this holiday fat but I am doing my favourite pass time procastination. The hardest part of waiting is not knowing what or who you are waiting for is aware you are waiting. While you are busy raving up and down checking the time every few minutes that seem to stretch more than the usual sixty seconds per minute, wondering why its taking them so long the awaited is not even aware and is calm and gently cursing why time flies so fast. The worst part of waiting is not knowing whether the other is arriving at your station. Waiting is the ultimate test of patience and hope,  you wait in the hope that, one the awaited will arrive, that they are coming to you and that you are at the right pace, now picture that. The one whom you are waiting for has all options you can think of and more chances maybe you are not one of the options or are at the wrong place and woe to you if you are on the wrong time. Al...

As a woman you need to surround yourself with fellow women of strong character, your to go to peeps, your shadow and your light in darkness and this is why........ 1. For yourself - You need a true friend, someone you can put your guard down with, you need someone not afraid to kick your ass and ask you to get up when you are having BS or behaving like an ass. Someone to cry with when you break your toe nail, someone to walk with you in this maze of life. You need that one pe rson that will drop everything and be on your side and stay there even when you insist you want to be alone, someone who will push you because they know your potential and will not accept mediocre from you. You need someone who will tell you, that fifth child your planning to have is a very bad idea because they know your youngest is still in diapers and understand your situation. Yes you need someone for you. 2. For your partner - you need someone to let them know you are special and will kick...