wachuka n thots

Today my baby you turn 10 years, that is a Decade.  10 years of love growing and expanding WAH! I remember like it was yesterday that first day you came to this earth, very calmly and yet with quite a bang.  That hot afternoon on December 9th 2004 at the Nairobi Women's Hospital is the day you chose to set me apart from all women.  Nothing sure compares to the love I felt for you that day, they say there is nothing like love at first sight they are very wrong, the minute I saw you tired as I was I fell deeply and tremendously in love. Today 10 years later that love continues to grow. I no longer look at you all the time even while you sleep for fear that you may disappear like I used to do when you were weeks old, You see you were so cute I could not believe you were all mine,  today I know you are going nowhere but that adoration is still there.  I still however take time to look at you when you sleep so I can feel that peace I got used to when you were litt...

Hi Riki , I planned to write this on Saturday 21st September, 2013 .  However on that day my heart was heavy with the attack at your favorite shopping mall the west gate in westlands Nairobi. I am still hoping that this did not spoil your day as I wish for the best in our country. I am thus writing this today to commemorate that special day when you came to my life and that of our family. You had started silently growing in me over nine months earlier on that September day of 2006.  Your sister was only over an year old when the doctor confirmed that indeed you were on your way here.  You stayed calm there in your special house made by God to prepare babies before they are ready for the world.  I was happy that you were coming but was also concerned, you see your sister was still a baby herself and still needed my undivided attention.  At some point I had to leave her with Shosh so I could fully take care of you. By   September 20th  2006, I w...

This far Lord you have brought me and all I can say is THANK YOU.      Today I am quite a different person from that skinny inquisitive kid who wouldn't rest until I got all the answers.  Now I have learnt that some things are better not to know that the less you know the better you are. I have learnt the different fights to  take, those to leave and those to fight on another day. I  have learnt that we don't have to agree to be friends that even if you are my friend you have your own opinion.  I have also learnt that there are friends for different reasons and just because they did not visit you at the hospital when you were sick it does not mean that they do not care or that they love you less.  I have learnt that I need to be independent strong and self sufficient but I also sometimes need guidance and being led by the hand.  It has been a long journey and the horizon is still far but thus far I have learnt a lot of life skills...

29th July 2013 Today I decided to start keeping a diary of my stay here I may use it I may not.  I arrived here on 8th of July having spent a day in Dubai. Where are the bombed places? I have yet to see a suicide bomb attack....then why cant I go to the neighbours. Life for the past three, weeks has not be so hard as I had expected thats why they say expect less.  It is ok to be here, of course I miss my babies and my sweetheart and family and friends even the jam.  But its ok I have more time to reflect to get into perspective and to visit my psych. Its too hot thats why I am sitting out here to atleast enjoy the breeze.  I already talked to Riki I am happy today we had a conversation.  Since I left Nairobi its always Mama I want a token( blue band has a competion) or Mama now that you are not here can I watch cartoons, this boy really knows how to apply charm.  Now Rigz has joined the scouts I wish I was there to see her march out on ...

I am a woman by all means. Yes a little on the weighty side that's African and with a college degree to boot. I wake up at 5am and do not go to bed before midnight.  From 8am to 5pm sometimes 6 ,7 or 8, sometimes longer,  I toil in somebody else's creative designed work(that's what they think whom am I to judge) . Not that I am not creative myself but I am still climbing this ladder albeit slower than I had anticipated.  I have two children they could be three but the number is just fine I can't complain at least I have a boy and a girl every mothers perfect number. My day starts with snoozing the alarm till I can't bare it any more and boy do I have anything to wear today, oh what day is it. If its Monday it has to be a tailored suit previously owned across the oceans I like to fantasize who could have had this figure since it fits just OK if we ignore the over stretched button area. I cannot have breakfast since you know this third world countries with their m...

Forgive Me for Liking You too much, I'll forgive You for not liking Me enough.. Forgive Me for the loud racing of My Heart, I'll forgive You for not hearing it. Forgive Me for finding You amazing, I'll forgive You for never noticing.. Forgive Me for wanting to be with You more than anything, I'll forgive You for avoiding Me.. Forgive Me for not being able to let go, I'll forgive You for never holding on.!!  copied

Why should my heart skip a bit when I see your face, why should it do this even when my conscious self is asleep and my subconscious is in control.  Why should I continue thinking about you long after you are gone. Explain why I keep coming back even after you have said it is over.  Why should my heart go on singing even where it should be mourning. Why do I keep passing that place where I first saw you smiling, then I thought it was at me. Why do I still want to believe the smile was for me even after my mind has understood it was just a trap a snare to lure me to you.  Explain my dear why I cannot see another when I know I can never be yours. Why do I still wait eagerly for the phone to ring though I know you are never calling again. Your number from my cell I need not delete for I know it off head.  Explain to me why the only smell I know is of your cologne, mixed with sweat and why it is the sweetest smell for me.  Tell me my dear why even when I ask all th...